Excitement

An eagerly anticipated time awaits.  All the trappings of the holiday season of course, and other more intimate moments.  Not that anything untoward will be happening, but I can't hide my excitement.  Well, not from myself and my blog, anyway.

A trip to see friends is the cause.  Planned for months, and I've been counting the days.  Simple pleasures: the chance to dress up and have fun.  Perhaps dance a little.  Enjoy good company.  Relax.  My time.  Me time.  Where I'm not in charge, trying to impress or dealing with heavy amounts of work.

I like being in charge mostly.  I get things done the way I want them.  Simple enough - but it takes work.  And I relish the chance to not be that person.  But every now and then, I like to submerge myself in someone elses will.  Not without trust of course, but with gentle acceptance that this is a part of me too.

I know who I am - it's always been said that I can be bossy.  Yes - I'd agree with that.  Overbearing, directive, selfish - lots of words describe me, with both good and 'bad' connetations.  And that's me.  I've tried to be someone else in the past.  I can't do it.  Those time burrow into my psyche and make me hurt inside.  I've vowed 'no more!'

So I will be myself - whoever that amorphous creature is.  Bad and Good alike.  A complex mix of controversy and compliance, rebellion and rules.  And I love her.

I love the balance.  I don't always love the outcomes, but I'd become really selfish if I didn't lose the battle once in a while. 

So my excitement is a chance to move from rules to rebellion, in a humane and safe manner.  No creatures will be hurt in the making of this trip.  Only exploration and fun to be had.  And to be the relaxed creature with no agenda, etherially letting things happen in an evolutionary manner.  Simplicity itself perhaps?  We will see. 

And breathe...