This is a feeling I’ve not felt for a while. The ‘come-down’ after the big show. Months of work, preparation, expectation: in
the blink of an eye, it’s all over. I
feel low. It’s as though it never happened.
But it did.
I mourn the loss of the expectation. I have to work towards a goal. I have to work to live. To set things up. To enjoy the moment of joy.
And there was an evening full of poignant memories. Wonderful dancing. Silly and serious. Feeling the music and letting it take me
away. For the first time in
oh-so-long. It meant so much. I felt free, yet held. Controlled?
No. Led. Simply and efficiently. Without airs, and with plenty of grace.
My eyes fill with tired tears. Why can’t life be simpler? I have been sorting things out, and gaining a
perspective. I thought I had moved beyond being so affected by my desired. Yet with simple looks and actions I am swept away by a tsunami of
my own addiction. Of something that appears to be so deep that I keep returning to it - even when I don't want to.
I’m too tired to think.
I don’t want to think, just to remember.
It will change nothing.
