The Trials of Hestia: Time and tide wait for no woman

A lovely day today, and my heart sings with the birds. Peaceful and quiet. Time spent with loved ones has soothed the soul and the constant memory that I am ‘worthy of note’ is a helpful support at a time of uncertainty.

Let me explain. The weekend was spent away, time with good company at a lovely old house. I met some very intelligent and interesting people and re-kindled old friendships. The location was spectacular, and time spent just watching the wildlife was a welcome point of relaxation. The very act of this fills me with warmth and wonder.

Leisure - William Henry Davies (1911)

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Davies spent much time as a wanderer, having no responsibilities to tie him to a path. He made his own decisions, and learnt to find what made sense to him. Only a tragic (but much underplayed) accident limited his wanderings, and through chance, he found his wife – herself an ‘injured party’. If it had not been for the accident, he may never have found her; wandering endlessly searching for what he longed for. Time was nearly his enemy, as I often feel it is mine.

Ah, Time, the one thing I often have to force myself to take. It doesn’t sit naturally with me doing nothing – I like to be busy, as though stopping and observing is some form of weakness. Periodically something reminds me that not only is it physically necessary to ‘stop’ sometimes, but it helps my mind find sense and my spirit regain a fresh approach. I have managed to do both for the last few days and feel much better for it. A wander through the grounds, a purposeless conversation or two, laughter.

I take great pride in working together with others. Helping one another is both voluntary and essential – practical measures must be taken, but if unwanted they become tiring. The true way forward is to build a paradigm where helping is part of everyday life. I do this most of the time – having pride (in hopefully measured amounts) in ensuring that what I do is value added to someone. As I have previously written – to make things ‘better’. Being a part of a group is inherent to this need. It is not overt, it is for the good of the group. It is not for me, it is for my family. All things both gratifying and filling me with personal satisfaction, as long as I recall that not everyone wants help, and no-one needs help all the time. The equilibrium is to give the right amount of help without stifling.

I do feel much improved today. The recent days of turmoil have passed. I will survive, just as I always do. I look back with a wry smile at my angst and concern, and the confusion floats away on a mill pond mirror. As ever, the feelings of longing remain, but I am able to bear them in spite of myself; and not reliant on anyone else’s opinion. I know who I am and what I want today. If I’m being impractical, I would say I want it all. What is more reasonable is that I want the best of what I have, with some new, glorious experiences, every now and then - should they occur. And if they don’t occur, I will make them occur – whatever they may be. The future – hell, it can throw at me what it likes.