The Trials of Hestia: Being a Goddess

I have always been a good ‘all-rounder’. As my Mamma used to say, ‘be warned young lady, you will be a jack of all trades, and master of none’ – and this is now something I accept as my nature and skills. The trouble with this is that I wish to be the master. To be brilliant at something, always. I try so hard to do that, but it is more than just being a master of one thing, I try to be master of everything. And it is a source of continual disappointment to my own psyche, as I have never yet succeeded – and am unlikely to do so (a practical not depressive statement).

Where did this come from? No idea. I was never terribly competitive, and as I think on it, that is not what it is about. It’s not about being better than someone else; it’s about being fabulous at it, to my own standards. If I do something, I want to do it well. 'A' Grade effort or more (A* I understand is the phrase). Often, these standards are set unreasonably high. No one ever achieves everything they could – it’s impossible to do so in any field, ever, let alone all fields all the time. You can always say – “ah, if only I just…..” – and this can tie one up in knots forever. So it’s best not to go there – and to break each section down into bite-size chunks.

Now, I don’t try to do everything - I guess I’ll never be an astronaut or medical doctor or play the piano to concert standard. I’ll never swim the channel or win a gold medal at anything. I’ll never grow young again, or look like a supermodel. None of these matter though (although the body of a 24 year old with the wisdom, knowledge, and confidence I have now, would be a truly desireable combination. If you should invent such a device - I will happily participate in trials) – I’m just trying to prove to myself that I know where to draw the line. I don’t want celebrity. I really don't want that. I’d rather be a good actress than a famous one; be respected rather than be superficially adored; be remembered and thought well of, and loved for who I am. Now those are theoretically achievable…

It is also about being fabulous at everything I do, to ‘the norm’. The standards others manage to achieve and especially people who inspire me. This is positive – it strengthens my motivation, and warms up my direction. I need to know where to go, as when I don’t, the spiral up to greatness becomes a downward spiral to despair and indolence.

So what sort of things do I mean? The big three mainly – being a perfect mother, wife, and effective working professional. ‘Wife’ of course includes being the perfect housekeeper, cook, referee, conversationalist, lover, accountant and emotional guru. (I suppose one or two out of that lot isn't bad - you can make your mind up yourself as to which they are...) Also a supporter of the wider family, the loyal and helpful yet fun friend, the passionate, intelligent woman, and at the same time the morally and ethically strong person, who lives her beliefs rather than puts on a show of them. Being perfect, not acting perfect. I see friends who do all these things wonderfully well (and look great doing it).

I want to know their secret. How do they do it?

Part of it is about organization, and my old topic, balance. Ensuring that you have sufficient time to devote to each part of your life, so that you are a rounded individual and no one suffers from lack of attention. Including you! Or it may be that I have been misled, and they are not perfect, do not do all these things wonderfully, and just hide the cracks well. That would be sad, but I'm coming to understand that nothing is what it seems. Just when you think you know someone, they will surprise you; and others offer no surprises, just loving support and understanding always. Recent occurances have made me recall just how special friends can be. In this, I am so lucky. To me they are, and will always be, treasured.

Come to think of it, I don’t want to know their secrets. I just want to know they are there. I’m sure there are some, wicked, delightful secrets and thoughts hidden in those perfect shells. If you find out any, you are at the same time dismayed that the diamond is flawed, and relieved that they are not perfect; and can even treasure them for their foibles - as it means they are human. So it’s good to have secrets, isn’t it? Or should one be aiming to be completely open and honest at everything they do. Are you allowed to choose some secrets to keep? If they protect someone else, or are a part of your ability to cope, is it acceptable to hide things – or rather, not consciously reveal them? Health issues for example – if there were something that would worry your dear ones unnecessarily, would you reveal it? I won’t, until there was something they should know. The sad thing is that when something becomes more serious, it is a bigger issue to reveal, and as it grows there is the threat that you do not want them to worry further, and then when it is revealed, it is a blow to the heart that they were not included at the start. You can’t win. Both sides of the coin show tails, and you – the eternal optimist – call heads, again and again. It must be different this time?

Still, if I read this back, I see how unrealistic all that is – there are no Goddesses, totally pure of heart and spirit, perfect in practical matters, and immaculate in physicality. Writing it down has been a small revelation. I possibly know a handful of people that are in the category I speak of – perhaps only two or three. How well do I even know them? The perfect woman doesn’t exist by these criteria, neither for me and my aspirations, nor for anyone else? Does anyone feel they are perfect? Those that do probably would not be considered perfect by others. Those who may be approaching perfection to others would not consider themselves to be so. And so it goes on. Anyway – who are any of us to judge others? “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”.

So what can we aim for, if it is not perfection? I need to feel some semblance of personal pride in my abilities. It’s no use being good at something if you have no value for the thing you are good at. I could be good at something I didn’t believe in, but it would not bring me the same personal satisfaction from being good at something I passionately believed in. So all the standards must be reviewed, to understand which is most important, which may be adjusted to suit reality. I won’t be lowering my standards, but I won’t be setting myself unreasonable goals either. I do have a life to lead. But if I can aim to be a Goddess in the eyes of those who matter, I will have something worthwhile to try for, and every step up toward the temple, is a step for the better.