I Step Up

It's easy to take things for granted.  Often you don't see their worth until they are gone.

Today I'm making damn sure I appreciate what is fantastic about my life.  I won't get to everything but the important ones know who they are.

It's a reflective time.  Trying hard to ignore creeping doubts about what I've done.  But hey, I can't change anything that is in the past.  Just learn from it and move on.  All the windows are open because of the unseasonal heat - it's not a good day for doing the life laundry, but there is lots of sorting and cleaning going on.  Finishing off a few things feels good - especially when they've been hanging around for a while.

Count Vronsky in Tolstoy's Anna Karenin, does this: every now and then he has a “laundry day” where he puts all his affairs in order, and completely clears his mind.  And when he’s finished “doing his laundry” (he doesn’t actually wash his clothes), he feels like a new man. His friend says it always looks like he just got out of a bath.  Generally, he's not a terribly nice chap, but he is efficient.  And knows where his towel is (Douglas Adams - HHGTTG)

I've foolishly ordered a portrait.  I've been meaning to do it for several years - about 12 I guess - to be taken from an old and wistful photograph.  Finally I've found someone I think will do it justice, and hope that it comes out well.  It seems a little immodest of me, but then I need to certify my own confidence.  And I won't have to look at it too often - as it's a family present.  It's an irrational purchase really.  But the product also of money I had put by to do something very special, which never happened, and will probably not anyway.  So it's gone to good use.

I feel proud of myself.  I'm taking a leap of faith.  I'm trusting people to do their job, and not trying to do it for them - not that I could anyway.  And I've achieved a couple of goals along the way.  There are many more to go, but Confucious said

And that's probably an over-used quote, but I like it just the same.  I've started my journey over and over.  it seems as though every journey is one step - you never quite reach the end, just take the next journey, or step, in your stride.  Changing direction is frequent.  And it never quite reaches the finish line.  Perhaps that is why sports are so popular - you do come to an end.  The end of the race, the end of the match.  And then you prepare for the next one.  With life, it's one step after the other.

But I'm happy.  Happy that I'm taking a step forward, and am looking back at all the good and bad things that have happened.  More good than bad I'm glad to say.  I will take my leap and be done.