“Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.” Anon

I love the Spring.  New things bursting (or sliding sneakily) into life.  Someone once called me a Moon Child - but I don't think you'd normally call me a hippy chick if you saw me.  No tie-dye t-shirts, open toe sandals, or flowers in my hair.  And it is really not advisable for me to go bra-less!  But I do like to see the sun after the dark days.

I operate on a cycle - on this I've mused before.  Sometimes the wheel turns quickly, and sometimes more slowly.  The seasonal changes are one great wheel, and lots of other wheels of different sizes all turn at their own rate.  The difficulty seems to occur when multiple wheels reach their lowest points at the same time. 

Everything is black then, and I had a time like that a few weeks back.  It really felt that there was no point to anything I did.  Why are we here?  What is it all about?  Does anything we do really make a difference to anything? 

And does it have to make a difference?  If not, there really is no point to anything.  If, we are merely here to exist, then the only thing that matters is having a good time, surely.  Obviously some of what we do is to put food on the table etc - working now so that the future can be covered and we can live how we want to then.

But what about the end of your life?  I've an aging in-law who has recently shown a decline in person, mobility and motivation.  At a great age, she doesn't really want to go on - that's clear, and that's even though she is still independant, mobile, and fabulous compared to many others.  All that's left is further decline.  So why should she.  I wouldn't.  I don't want to be a burden and I don't want to be a vegetable.  But how to manage that process.

I had a conversation with an old friend this week, who has, in the past, humoured my ramblings on the 'what is the point' topic.  Suddenly, she gets it, having gone through the same feelings herself very recently.  She's put it down to the 'M' word.  Eek.  Menopause.  Nooooooooo!  It is true that the realisation that it's all a bit pointless, is happening to us both.  But it can't be purely physically, and chemically driven, can it?  I hate to even mention the word.  It's scarey with a capital S (ok, it's a capital M).  Actually, it's just plain irritating.  And I won't accept that.  I will just keep on believing that the reason for my musings are that I'm aware of my extreme limitations in the bigger picture of life the multiverse and everything.

How to deal with them?  Live well, do good things.... oh, that's a whole other chapter.

She has found comfort in labelling her emotional state.  I'm not prepared to go there yet, and aim to understand more before accepting the inevitable.  It's one possibility, but I think I'm more than just a bundle of chemistry. I can be there for her - so I guess that's helpful, and the very act could conceivably help me through my own mini crises (very mini, in comparison to most people, of course.)

Another friend is showing the signs of coming out of a dark place, the wheel turning and lifting him upwards towards the light.  That makes me happy.  Very happy.  That's what friendship is for.

It's always tricky to see the sun before it arrives.  One doesn't always remember that it will return.  But the wheel turns.  Some times more quickly than others.  I'm ascending again now, and need to ride the wave for a while, recharge the batteries, and ignore the impending doom for a bit.  Someone once said, worrying gets you nowhere.

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened”  Winston Churchill

Saint Valentine, and all that goes with him...

An over-priced but thoroughly lovely tradition looms.  It makes me wonder where it came from - all these tacky cards and flowers.  And what should I do to celebrate?

February is approaching spring, and is historically associated with love and fertility. The BBC say 'It encompasses the sacred marriage of Zeus and Hera in Ancient Athens and the Ancient Roman festival of Lupercus, the god of fertility.
The priests of Lupercus would perform a traditional purification ritual, slaughtering goats to the god, and after consuming wine, they would run through the streets of Rome holding aloft the skins of the goats touching anyone they met. The occasion compelled floods of young women to the streets in the belief that being touched would improve their chances of conceiving and bring forth easy childbirth.'

Well, I'm not sure I fancy slaughtering any goats this week, and in any case, I'm probably done with fertility.  So I guess that one's out.

The name "Valentine", derives from valens (worthy, strong, powerful); which is not what you'd think.  It's not about love.  Although it is about religious Saints - any one of three it seems:

A priest in Rome,

A bishop of Interamna (modern Terni), or

A martyr in the Roman province of Africa

Courtesy of Wikipedia - use with caution...

But the general theme seems to be a show of affection between lovers, or those that wish to become lovers.


And as it seems to be a major part in all our lives - finding someone to share time with, then I suppose it should be very important to us.  Certainly, even the staunch Atheists celebrate it (on occasion).  So it has transcended religion into a much wider western tradition.

It's not really about fertility anymore.  It's about making life better.  It might be about physical pleasure too.  Is it just an excuse?  Should we ever need an excuse to tell someone how we feel? 

And what is this stuff about sending anonymous cards and gifts.  Surely we would want the person to know.  I never did get that - even when, as a teenager, it was all very important.

After all that - I suppose I could celebrate with something that means much to me.  Love words, me.  Love- words make my world work.  So here are some.  Courtesy of Mr Bob Dylan, and covered wonderfully by Adele.

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no - one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
Know there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change
Are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love,