Being Alive

A moment of clarity from Stephen Sondheim

Bobby is a confirmed batchelor, whose married friends continually try and find him a girlfriend.  Throughout the show he muses on who and why and what a partner should mean, and debates whether he wants one.  His final frustrated tirade, and subsequent acceptance/revelation is emotive, and in both words and music.

It speaks to me about what we all want - or get - from any relationship.

ROBERT:  What do you get? (with a relationship)

Someone to hold you too close,
Someone to hurt you too deep,
Someone to sit in your chair,
To ruin your sleep.


Someone to need you too much,
Someone to know you too well,
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell.

Someone you have to let in,
Someone whose feelings you spare,
Someone who, like it or not,
Will want you to share
A little, a lot.

Someone to crowd you with love,
Someone to force you to care,
Someone to make you come through,
Who'll always be there,
As frightened as you
Of being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive.

He realises what he really wants.
Somebody, hold me too close,
Somebody, hurt me too deep,
Somebody, sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Being alive.

Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.

Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, make me come through,
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive!

If you get the chance, listen to the full vocal version. 

I love this song.  It reminds me that there is a very fine line between right and wrong in relationship terms.  Sometimes it just takes one word to change the meaning.

Life can be very subtle.

Stuck in the Mud

Well, I'm still here, even though I've not been posting.  And it wasn't because my activity earlier this month debilitated me.  Just that there has been so much going on.  And also that I've been struggling to make enough sense, in one place at one time, in liaison with the computer, to make any cohesive attempt at showing my thoughts.

I've been rather pressured by things that are directly or indirectly my responsibility.  Helping another to make choices, when he really would rather not.  This is a process of sowing the seed, and encouraging conversation to make him order his own mind, and think about the future.  I think we might finally be getting somewhere now.  There has been a change in him that is welcomed.  As I have posted before, it is indifference that really gets my goat, not a strong opinion and then working towards it - even if it is in what I see as the wrong direction.  So I'm happy that the seed has germinated, and now he has to water it and care for it.

...and in spite of the above analogy - it is his seed, not mine.  I just gave him the seed catalogue to look at. 

He might not choose the seed I wanted him to plant - but then it's not my choice - or seed - or goat.

And that is the way it should be.

On a professional front, I've been challenged on work done over a year ago.  It is good to make me go through this and correct the anomaly, but frustrating when I was told that it was all done and dusted, and the problem was not material.  This type of work is not in my comfort zone, although with hard work, I've got through it so far.  One more step to go.  I need to think carefully about this one, but it is doable.

Looking back is good.  It reaffirms what went right and what went wrong.  It's just frustrating to be put on the spot again, when you thought all that was over.  Like opening an old wound, digging a spoon in and waggling it about.  Then adding a bit of salt for good measure.  Oh well- that is what they pay me for. 

Other frustrations abound there - people, circumstances, and an endless battle of priorities.  I simply can't do everything.  There - I've said it.  That's been annoying me hugely this week, as I really want to help everyone.  But I can't do it all - and develop the system too.  There just aren't enough hours in the week.  My working hours are creeping up again... need to watch that one.

But I can remove 'waste' from the system where possible.  Like the 'lean-working' I'm always on about, I can assess the steps of the process and work out what is value-added.  then cut out anything that isn't so categorised.  I've got to do that. 

I think I'll go and sort my tupperware cupboard now.

And yes, these beautiful things really are made of tupperware.  There can be innovation and beauty in all things - a lesson for us all.