The picture frame is still large. There are squirrels in it, who bravely scamper all across their territory. Tomorrow it will return to normal. I had hoped that it might be returning with a new insight. On some level that is true. I have hinted, asked, encouraged, even slightly coersed information on feelings and intentions. To little avail. Well, a spirit of conversation maybe. But I can't even get below the surface.
I've been spoilt. I've come to think of feelings as being worth talking about, good and bad. Have I changed? Have I become more challenging, or have I higher expectations? I suppose I have. Or was I just ignoring it previously?
I still talk about the future. I ask what is wanted. Practical things are all we can discuss. And that is all we will ever discuss. I must accept that, and not expect more - it is just not going to change.
Should I accept? Or is that weakness? I realised from talking to a friend this week, that I have been singing the same tune for a number of years, and yet cannot bring myself to move forward. It isn't broken, so maybe I don't need to 'fix' it. I just need to learn to accept, like countless generations before me. And stop reflecting, challenging and lamenting my woes.
I know what to do. Now I need the courage to do it. But with renewed vigour, thanks to the picture frame and some good friends.
